...,sometimes...., it seems..., wow..., oh well. (a tale of Ill Gotten Gains)
ill-got·ten - adj.
Definition - Obtained in an evil manner or by dishonest means: ill-gotten gains.
His lady had to have him, may have tricked him, and she got him. But, as "ILL GOTTEN GAINS GO", she had to live in the web of lies she told to KEEP him. She gave him ALL and ANY thing he desired just to make him come home at night. She even got pregnant to ensure a bond for a lifetime..., desperate for him…,any part of him. It's worked for 2 decades, the child is grown, they've never married, but he's still at home..., sometimes. He takes care of his responsibilities, he bought her a home, raised the child and he's still at home...., sometimes. The years have been good to him, because she made sure of it. He's 60 and his body looks like a 30 year old man. Yet, her body has done what a woman's body does after childbirth, nearly 60 years of life, and a lifelong fear of losing her man. Still…,there is beauty to behold in her. He goes out every night. She's at home without an invite. When she complains, he barks a threat of disappearing. She says nothing because she remembers he's here through ILL GOTTEN GAINS.
THEN..., one night he bumps into you. He desires you from first sight. You're younger, your body is still desirable, your eyes are bright and your heart is light. He feels he has to have you and you are feeling,”what he is saying” He's so gallant, smooth, tall and handsome. You have so much in common..., it seems. The friendship begins and time spent together is just delightful..., it seems. He stares at you across crowded rooms with a longing in his eyes, he desires only you..., it seems. Naturally, you're single, he's single, you've got it together and so does he..., it seems. He takes you places, buys you things, wants to see you everyday, he cares deeply, it’s all good..., it seems. This is all that you've ever wanted, you're thanking God for it, he is the man of your dreams..., it seems. He asks you to take the next step, and you're ready to, SOOO, you take a moment to TALK about it. Why..., because SOMETIMES IT SEEMS, like one thing and it's another.
THEN..., you ask those questions that are deal breakers and he assures your safety..., guys will do that dishonestly..., sometimes. You watch, look and listen. For the first time you see something a little DARK inside of him…, it seems. He doesn't like all of the questions, you don't like all of the answers, your first discomfort…, it seems. NOOOO, you tell yourself…, Lord not him…, you think…, hold up, you have been wrong…sometimes. Talk to him a little more, watch a little closer, pray a little harder…, and let God reveal the truth of what…,it seems.
OK, you decide to silence your heart and use your head…, chill and make him feel comfortable…, compliment and revere him…, men like that…, it seems. His chest rises broad, his eyes soften, and he begins to reveal a tale of lifelong torment…, it seems. He needs you to understand…, to see…, why he can say he's NOT married, why he didn't marry her, why their finances are joined, why he's become bored "turned off" by her, why he's in search of "passion", why he can't stand the sight of her naked body, and why he stayed for the child who's now all grown up. You listen to his EVERY word. As your heart sinks, your face is still in "understanding chill mode", but you know you're done with this. You think…, that's the way it is…, you guess…, sometimes.
THEN…, you repeat to him what he's said to you just for clarity…, it seems. Truthfully, you are hoping that you've missed something that will allow you to be with him, and make this alright for you and your soul. God blesses these types of beginnings, doesn't he..., sometimes? After recalling his words to him while he feels safe to bare it all, he says, "YES, THAT'S WHAT I SAID, AND WHAT I MEANT BABY, AND IF YOU LET THIS HAPPEN, WE COULD HAVE A GREAT LIFE…, BECAUSE, I’VE NEVER FELT THE WAY I FEEL FOR ANYONE LIKE I FEEL FOR YOU". Just what every lady wants to hear...,
So, he's going to leave her after all these years because he's fulfilled his obligation to their child and he's provided for their future monetarily.
Now he met you…, the Love of his life, the one that makes him feel young and alive, the one he WOULD marry…, it seems. He told you he’d never left because he didn't have a reason to until you came along. Well, that happens right..., sometimes? You think to yourself, “but what about her?” So, she got pregnant to snag him. He could have provided for the child without living all those years with that lady. What will become of her at 60 years old and left alone by her man? Could she have been such a drag he just simply ENDURED all that time? Why wasn't she worth the commitment of marriage, but you are? Has he said this to other ladies through out their “common law” union? You wonder how you would feel if you were her age and a younger woman pulled your fella away, especially if she KNOWS of you before hand.
WOW…,OK…,NOW..., You've got to do what a girls' gotta do…, it seems…, sometimes. With loving kindness you tell him, "I can't be apart of your survival of a bad decision that has you trapped and miserable. I won't play a part in the breaking of another woman's heart. I care for you deeply but I respect her even if you don't and I would NOT want that to be me". Wait, silence…, deep inhalation, and
THEN..., "you think too much of yourself. Name three men around here that you've met as good as me. Society has sold you on old traditional religious beliefs that aren't congruent with the times and was written to address those times." Still in chill/understanding mode, you reply, "I hear ya, but I believe EVERY WORD of that bible, whether I'm doing wrong or not. And..., I gauge MY choice of wrongs by whether or not I'm willing to endure the seven fold return on their CONSEQUENCES. Babe, I'm not willing to answer to God for this." He replies with more attacks on your value of yourself, your standards, your God, etc. This side of him you haven't seen. First you think, oh he really wants me and that he's hurt because he believes that you can see he means this from his heart…, because he said, "I mean this from my heart". You look at him wishing things were different because you really wanted this sincerely yourself. But, it is not, so you say, "Hey don't be like that, I could be angry at the fact that you came to me knowing you had serious ties that bind you, and I chose to not go there." "You will never have anyone that can do for you what I can," he said. "You're gonna end up taking care of some worthless, no “future having” dude that has nothing to bring to the table".
OOOOOOK, is this shit for real, you think to YOURSELF, and say, "Let's just be good friends and not get involved until you TAKE CARE OF WHAT YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF, with no interference from me. If you want to end that relationship do it on your own, but not because of me. I don't want to be the cause of that." "Cool", he says, and you take some time to yourself to reflect, cuss, cry, call a friend, consider the offer, snap out of it, pray and stand sure of your decision.
The next time you bump into him (the lying cheating bastard), you smile, offer a warm hello, and a “church” hug. AND WHAT DOES HE DO!?!?!?! He behaves as if YOU told him the story he told you. He acts as if YOU are the one that had the secret mate at home. He starts saying little things to knock you off the pedestal HE feels you're on. Everything he once complimented he now criticizes. THEN…,You get irritated with the insults, and you tell him to watch his tone and his words. OH, BUT NOOOO, he didn't hear ya. So, you let him have it. You told him, "Look, the truth is you're realizing your mortality, and the impending rocking chair…, it seems. You don't look nor feel it physically and looking at her is a reflection of who and what you fear you are…, a senior citizen. And, if you talk to her the way you're speaking to me, based on how she got you in the first place, 'so you say'…, she takes it quietly. She's grateful that you come home still…, sometimes…, it seems". He looks at you as if you've stabbed him in his heart, tells you that ladies don't speak in that tone, etc, etc, etc. DING, that's it!!! You get it!!! He is never challenged by her on anything and if so he just yells, talks mean and she concedes for peace, whether she's wrong or right. WOW…, She's been mentally abused and took it because she'd ILL GOTTEN -LY GAINED him in the first place. She's allowed him to go and come as he pleased. She's had to swallow his insults and affairs all those years and that's what he THOUGHT he could do with you.
So, it seems, that sometimes if you take the time to get to know someone before you fully connect with them, pull your heart out and use your HEAD…, you may find that…, sometimes…, it simply is not what…, it seems.
as it was told to me..., Ill Gotten Gains
By Breggett Rideau